A good day can turn bad in the blink of an eye, a tick of the clock, or a beat of my heart. I am on an emotional roller coaster that changes its course without warning or consideration for my mental state.
It never asks my permission… attacks of depression, despair, confusion and frustrations hit me and consume me from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every crevice of my body in between. Some days I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Sleep the years away. Some bad days I can’t even sleep or even eat.
Sometimes I even have to make my heart beat and lungs take in oxygen. Suicide is never a thought, but dying of loneliness is always, a possibility. Today I have no answers that make sense for the thousands of questions running through my head. My mind is cluttered with doubts and confusion and this makes my heart heavy with guilt and shame.
How can I question the only real joy in my life? There are so many people who are lonely, without love and passion in their lives, so as difficult as this ordeal is; I know that what he and I share is the most precious of all gifts.
But today I can’t remember all the unconditional love, support, and non-judgment that my man has bestowed upon me. Today I can’t remember all that. My man is the only one who truly understands and accepts me, the good and the bad…
Today, I can’t remember all the passion that my man has brought out of me. Today I can’t remember that the sound of his voice can bring me to orgasm. Today I can’t remember that he plays no games, tells no lies, and wears our love like a badge of honor.
Today is obviously a bad day and yes, I am struggling too… while I wouldn’t change one second, erase one tear, or forget one heartache, I can truly understand why any woman would choose not to wait. The reality is that I am in prison too… I am also doing this time and the only thing I am guilty of is loving my man.
For ever one of us that stands by our men, that can endure the bad days and savor the good, there are many that can’t.
Many just don’t even try. To the men whose women choose to move on, I feel your pain but, you must always remember that there are always two sides to every story.
Your women might not always tell what’s in their hearts, but if you listen hard enough you can hear them. You can hear their confusion and fear pleading with you to understand, to forgive, to accept and to remember…
Not every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days the struggle brings!
To all of you men who know, have, or has had a woman in your life, please communicate with them and wish them a Happy and Blessed Mothers’ Day for eternity and beyond, deal?
Thank you dearly and many, many blessings.