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Congratulations

Congratulations on release from prison - ways to adapt and manage your new life.

Congratulations! Yes, gentlemen, allow me to congratulate you because, if you got to this last page, I could positively assume that you have read, absorbed, and reflected on the preceding essays, stories, prayers, and maxims, right?

And, if for whatever reason, you have gotten to this point without having done so, I beg you to go back and do so.

Why?

Simply because I put my heart, soul, experience, knowledge, and best intentions behind this booklet to detract you from the foolish and negative mentality I once had and, thus, exclude you from making the same mistakes I have made and avoid the punishment of incarceration, you with me?

Now, I know that with all these new changes in law (Johnson, Beckles, Sanchez-Fernandez, Mathis, etc., etc.), many of you are about to go back to free society, so please, allow me to give you some very sound advice I inspired myself with from the Fair Shake Reentry packet, and it’s coming from the depths of my heart, therefore; please accept and reflect on them.

Going back home could be both exciting and intimidating!

Our attitude may be that is should be right back to normal resettling, resuming the same old routines, and getting back to our old relationships, not so?

Unfortunately, reality says different. As a matter of fact, reality says much more than just differently, so please consider the following:


The first thing I will advise is you to log on to www.fairshake.net and join the Fair Shake community.

If you’re still here and won’t leave for a little bit, you could always add outreach@fairshake.net and interact with this Fair Shake community.

You will be surprised on how much information and assistance that reentry resource center can provide you with, deal?

Second: mentally prepare yourself for the adjustment process. Be prepared for anything… sure enough, do not expect the negative.

Simply prepare yourself to act as positively as you can for the possibility of rejection, depression, anger, betrayal, and disappointment, and for things to be not as you may have expected them.

Third: give yourself a chance to ease into transition. Allow yourself the space and time needed to get used to your new environment.

Don’t worry if it takes you a little while to get used to certain things again. Just take the necessary time to reflect positively on your surroundings.

Fourth: understand that the familiar will seem different. You have changed, home has changed. People, places, and behaviors will now be seen from a new perspective.

Fifth: expect to do some catching up with wardrobe, certain trends, language, and much more.

Sixth: reserve judgments. Reserve all judgments of others, especially the negative ones.

Just as you’d prefer not being judged, do not do it and resist the impulse to make hasty decisions.

Seventh: prepare for mood swings. It may be possible to feel hype one moment and defeated the next. While that may be acceptable, keep your head up, a positive attitude, and a smile on your face.

Eighth: take time for reflection and self-scrutiny. Your most valid and valuable analysis of an event is more likely to take place after thinking carefully and clearly about it.

Consider your true values and determine how you can live within them.

Ninth: respond to inquiries thoughtfully, carefully, and truthfully.

Prepare to greet surprise questions with a calm, thoughtful, and sincere approach. If you find yourself being overly defensive or aggressive, take a deep breath, or two, and relax.

Tenth: other than the Fair Shake community, seek any support network.

Do not isolate yourself.

You are not alone and there are those who really want to help you succeed. Look and you shall find them.

Eleventh: become a volunteer. A great way to connect with your community, build references, and network with people and possibilities is to serve them.

Twelfth: notice how you could live and do without the vices here, keep up the stupendous job and continue doing your best when it comes to that.

Additionally, while preparing for the upcoming challenges, there is a possibility that you will have to prove yourself over, and over, and over… do so. People may make many assumptions about who you are now.

Do not worry about that, simply follow your conscience. People may be very different than when you left… make the necessary adaptations to relate to them. People may expect a lot from you… it’s okay, just do your best at all times.

The way you hoped things would be may be different from the way they are, but accepting and going with the flow that is in line with your values/principles and relaxing will be worth it.

Well, gentlemen, it has truly been a joy to know you and be able to impart and share with you a little bit of my experience/wisdom, and I pray to the Absolute the best of guidance and blessings for each and every one of you.

Thank you dearly for your time and attention and again, God bless!

Ernesto Cole

Communication

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Communication - Talking and Listening Habits

Wow! As I was reading a very good book based on making, or should I say helping, individuals on achieving more effective relationships through certain habits, I came across something I try to practice faithfully and preach constantly… the art of communication.

And since the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People seems much more articulate than I, I will thus use his words and interject them with some of mine in an attempt to further such a message, cool?

Right now you are reading this essay I’ve written, right?

Well, reading and writing are both forms of communication.

So are speaking and listening.

In fact, these are the four basic types of communication.

Now think of all the hours we spend doing at least one of them.

The ability to do them well is absolutely critical to being effective in communicating and influencing others, for the better, of course.

Communication is the most important skill in life.

We spend most of our waking hours communicating.

But let’s consider the following: we’ve spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak properly.

But what about listening?

What training or education have we had that enables us to listen so that we really understand another human being from his/her own frame of reference of perspective?

I’ve dealt with lots of very well-educated individuals, yet their listening skills are incredibly poor and, at times, non-existent.

If we really want to interact effectively with someone, to influence them, you spouse, co-worker, supervisor, friend… we must first understand them or at least make the attempt.

But we cannot do so by just speaking. Most people, if they sense you’re just using some kind of speaking technique, will sense duplicity, manipulation, or what I term verbal jujitsu.

They will wonder why you’re doing it, what are your motives, and will not feel safe enough to open up to you.

The real key to influence others for the better is through our example, our actual conduct. The example flows naturally out of our character or the kind of person we truly are. And to do this, we must understand the individual we seek to influence. And to do so, we must first listen, then understand them, and subsequently make ourselves understood and have the intent we seek to impart.

Most of us do not listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the sole intent to reply and have the spotlight shining on us. We are either speaking or preparing to speak. We’re filtering everything through our own model, reading our opinion to others.

If we have a problem with someone, a family member, an authority figure, a co-worker, the attitude is, “that person just doesn’t understand.”

That’s the case with so many of us. We’re filled with our own rightness and pride. We want to be understood and our conversations tend to become effective monologues, and we never really understand what’s going on with the other person.

When another person speaks, we’re usually listening at one of four levels. We may be ignoring the person, not listening at all. We may practice pretending, “yeah, uh-huh., right.”

We may act like selective listeners hearing only certain parts of the conversation. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing on the words being said. But very few of us practice the fifth level, emphatic (from empathy) listening.

When I say emphatic listening, I’m not referring to the techniques of active or reflective listening, which basically involves mimicking what another person says. That kind of listening is skill based, truncated from character and relationships, and often insults those listened to in such way.

Again, when I say emphatic listening, I mean listening with the intent to understand. Seeking first to understand, to truly understand. It is an entirely different mental shift. Emphatic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it. You see the world the way they see it. You understand how they feel and what they may be going through.

Emphatic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are being said. Communications experts estimate, in fact, that only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say. Another 30 percent is by our sounds, and 60 percent by our body language.

In emphatic listening, you listen with your ears, but also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You sense, you intuit, you feel. It is powerful because it gives you accurate data to consider.

When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological respect. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problems solving.

Therefore, beloved comrades, that psychological respect, which is the fruit of truly listening, impacts communication in ways you cannot imagine in every area of life… let’s give it a try, deal?

Ernesto Cole

Changes

Changing through growth and success - becoming a better person from prison with teachings and application.

Hello, gentlemen, and with dear respect and love I welcome you all.

After this last lockdown, I had lots of time to meditate, read, and reflect about many things, but most importantly about how I can apportion some wisdom to this beautiful and noble workshop, so that its efforts will not be in vain for any of us.

Then I thought to myself: “Well, you do enjoy writing because it puts you in a good mood and it exalts your wellbeing, so why not write something helpful and read it to the class?”

Therefore, beloveds, here is the following:

The teachings and intentions of this re-entry workshop are quite simple: to help us all.

All we must do is commit to its information, acknowledge it, and put it to good use, and will undoubtedly reap dear benefits. Sure enough, our minds can be a complicated thing. Most of our lives, our minds have complicated things through their own misunderstandings and false premises.

This may have come about through our environments and the way we’ve been conditioned—and thus, our ego structure has become somewhat complex.

It is not enough for our minds to accept that our essence is love and happiness.

It is more interesting if a lot of complex things have to be explained and understood for the mind to take pride in new discoveries.

Although this workshop is basically about making us aware of recidivist attitudes, the object of the course is such that the mind can participate in it fully. Because, if our minds are entertained long enough and taken out of their comfort zone, subtle processes that require time and continuity can take place. By doing the lessons and reading, reading, reading the manual and its addendum, our minds are kept occupied enough to provide this continuity and, therefore, breakthroughs can occur.

In a sense, this workshop is an unfolding of ever-expanding perspectives until finally we attain the perspective that is all-inclusive and accepting. Many of us suffer from certain beliefs that must be disputed and softened for our minds to be free. We must be flexible enough to flow with what is now, otherwise further growth will be very difficult, if possible.

To succeed in this workshop, we’re not required to believe in something (but ourselves) or even agree with anything (just the results). There’s nothing to accept on blind faith.

The validity of all this lies in our own experiences, our inner process. We don’t have to take anyone’s word for anything. The facilitators are not asking us to believe anything. It is our awareness/consciousness that will actually happen to us.

There is no dogma here, the only way we can truly benefit from the arduous work everyone has put into all of this is to put it into positive practice.

We must develop a vision and an awareness of that which we may presently be unaware of.

The majority of us are absolute beginners of the path of growth and awareness and may not have the slightest idea of what is being discussed here. All that is okay.

Even if we feel certain terms aren’t sufficiently defined, soon enough they will become part of our vocabulary. The important thing for now is that we have committed ourselves to this endeavor and, therefore, put the lessons and what we learn to practice. Very simple, no?


This re-entry workshop is for us to tune in and rid ourselves of the negative ego, become aware, and to understand how to apply its teachings to all the practical aspects of our daily lives. If we do this, we will see how our practices free us from the negative aspects and lead us to live a more fruitful existence.

Yes, gentlemen, I can attest that making changes may prove challenging, since bad habits are hard to break. But if we commit to becoming a better person, I can assure us dear benefits and successes. Just take a long view and accept that we may experience setbacks when attempting change.

Here are some guidelines I’ve come across in my readings to bear in mind when we anticipate the challenges ahead.

  • Remember that change requires committed effort and can cost more than we think, but shaping the life we want is worth the investment. Think about the resources—specially of our time, and what we will put into our change program.
  • Let’s choose methods that are right for us, not the latest get rich and happy quick theory. And, if something we try doesn’t work, let’s be prepared to reflect on the reasons and try something different.
  • Realize that willpower may at times be overrated. Most people cannot sustain willpower in the face of temptation. So let’s avoid actions, no matter how small, that jeopardize our goals.
  • Accept the fact that we almost certainly don’t make it a promise to commit to developing our awareness of ourselves so that we can replace habits that are destructive with ones that are creative and productive.
  • Promise to never accept second-best for yourself when it comes to you.
  • Promise to see and learn from all your experiences and actions.

 

“We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we become.”

 


“Happiness is a habit, not a destination.”


Please absorb. Good luck, and God bless.

Ernesto Cole

Bad Day – Mother’s Day

What it's really like for prison wives on Mother's Day, and any bad day. The powerless life of a prison wife when it hurts.

Greetings, gentlemen and women all around the world. As Mothers’ Day approaches and the thought of my precious mother along with the thought of my lovely with and beautiful mothers of my children, I could not help but to dedicate a heartfelt essay from an Expository writing I’ve had with me for many years, yet never disposed of it because of its very dear and extremely profound meaning.


Additionally, after witnessing via the phone and visitation many of my co-recluses disrespect and demean their women, I beg of you to take this exposition into dear account and give your women the true value and respect they truly deserve.

And, for those of you who have refused to do the aforementioned, keep up the good work because you will be rewarded in due time, if not already, deal?

Today is a bad day.

I wish I could say that I’ve never had one before, but bad days consume my life.

I have no escape from them.


Today is a day I wonder.

Where is the support for us sisters in the struggle? What a man asks a woman to wait for him while he’s in prison, does he realize what an incredible emotional sacrifice that is? Does he realize that, yes, we’re in the struggle too?


When I made this choice to do this bid with my man, I didn’t know that it would mean to consciously hand over the control and happiness of my life, not to my man, but to an institution. From the very beginning, my man told me I had the Power in the relationship? That I should take the lead because I was the one who was free.


How am I free?

What power do I have?

I buy my clothes according to what is acceptable for visits. At any time I can go where my heart desires, but my heart’s desire is trapped within that prison compound.

So where am I going?

I stalk the mailman and won’t leave the house until he comes; waiting for a white envelope with familiar handwriting that has taken the place of hugs and kisses. I check the phone several times a day to make sure it’s working, waiting to hear it ring and see unavailable appear on the caller ID, a sight that has taken the place of the sound of my doorbell or his car horn. I set my watch to the clocks in prison. I schedule my bedtime around COUNT.

No, I don’t have any power.

The phone company has the power. The mailman has the power. Corrlinks has the power. Father Time has the power. The prison and the guards, they have all the power. Today I feel helpless and out of control. Today is surely a bad day and yes, I am struggling too…


Today, like most bad days that pass, I see a little bit of my life that has slipped away; another memory not made, another dream that hasn’t come true.

One more day my family is separated.

One more day I am without a real home. I am so often standing in the line between sanity and insanity.

I have to keep telling myself, “he’s real, this is real, our love is real, and the end will come.”

Today when he called I had to fight the urge to beg him to come home.

“Please come home, if you really loved me, you would find a way.”

Today I blame him for keeping us apart.

Today I am so very angry with him.

Today is definitely a bad day and yes, I am struggling too…

A good day can turn bad in the blink of an eye, a tick of the clock, or a beat of my heart. I am on an emotional roller coaster that changes its course without warning or consideration for my mental state.

It never asks my permission… attacks of depression, despair, confusion and frustrations hit me and consume me from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every crevice of my body in between. Some days I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Sleep the years away. Some bad days I can’t even sleep or even eat.


Sometimes I even have to make my heart beat and lungs take in oxygen. Suicide is never a thought, but dying of loneliness is always, a possibility. Today I have no answers that make sense for the thousands of questions running through my head. My mind is cluttered with doubts and confusion and this makes my heart heavy with guilt and shame.

How can I question the only real joy in my life? There are so many people who are lonely, without love and passion in their lives, so as difficult as this ordeal is; I know that what he and I share is the most precious of all gifts.


But today I can’t remember all the unconditional love, support, and non-judgment that my man has bestowed upon me. Today I can’t remember all that. My man is the only one who truly understands and accepts me, the good and the bad…

Today, I can’t remember all the passion that my man has brought out of me. Today I can’t remember that the sound of his voice can bring me to orgasm. Today I can’t remember that he plays no games, tells no lies, and wears our love like a badge of honor.

Today is obviously a bad day and yes, I am struggling too… while I wouldn’t change one second, erase one tear, or forget one heartache, I can truly understand why any woman would choose not to wait. The reality is that I am in prison too… I am also doing this time and the only thing I am guilty of is loving my man.

For ever one of us that stands by our men, that can endure the bad days and savor the good, there are many that can’t.

Many just don’t even try. To the men whose women choose to move on, I feel your pain but, you must always remember that there are always two sides to every story.

Your women might not always tell what’s in their hearts, but if you listen hard enough you can hear them. You can hear their confusion and fear pleading with you to understand, to forgive, to accept and to remember…

Not every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days the struggle brings!


To all of you men who know, have, or has had a woman in your life, please communicate with them and wish them a Happy and Blessed Mothers’ Day for eternity and beyond, deal?


Thank you dearly and many, many blessings.

Ernesto Cole

10 Secret Tips of Elite Changers

What are the 10 Secret Tips for Changing Your Life?

1 Developing Commitment — Wanting to make positive changes is very different from doing what it takes to make those changes.

The majority of us (if not all) want to succeed in this endeavor, as is evident by enrolling in this captivating program, therefore, I could positively assume we are willing and committed to make the necessary sacrifices, become ego-aware with hard work, and dedicated lots of our time and conscious energy to succeed.

That is why only a few are successful at the elite level.

Success must go beyond status quo.

The commitment is what’s going to help us constantly deliver results. This fortitude of character and strength of will is a quality that could be acquired by us all and become elite in our endeavor of change to help us overcome obstacles and beat the odds.

We can generate true commitment through small changes, setting achievable and practical goals one after another.

2. Visualization — Our actions follow our thoughts. This speaks not only to the power of positive thinking and self-belief, but also to the power of visualizing our success.

Studies have shown (and are still showing) that visualization produces the same muscle action as physical activity—the brain gets trained for activity through mental processes.

In many studies, those who use visualization alone improve their skill as much as those actually practicing the skill.

Amazing, don’t you think?

Many athletes use visualization to help them develop and solidify skills and practice their routines before a big event.

Likewise, we can use visualization to help us achieve our goals of not allowing the ego to decide on our behalf.

When practicing visualization, sit or lie in a comfortable position in a place with little or no distractions. Engage as many of your senses as you can, making an image as vivid as possible. See yourself not just achieving your goal of dominating your ego/negative thought, but enjoying the feeling.

Adding just five or ten minutes of daily visualization can help us achieve tremendous progress. Successful people have a tendency to see their future and then live it to existence.


3. Working With Fear — Everyone experiences fear. What will set us apart is our ability to feel that emotion but work toward our goal regardless.

We will not succumb to the inner critic, entertain limiting beliefs, nor negative individuals.

Fear will be a challenge for us, not a threat or defeat, and defeat merely an opportunity for learning we may fall/fail at times but will refuse to stay down. In order for us to succeed, we must take the risk of seeming soft and to take this risk, we must embrace fear and failure.

But guess what? Our desire to succeed will be greater than our fears. Let’s not over-analyze what we’re doing. Let’s just immerse ourselves in the process and “JUST DO IT!

There are many methods of working with fear and embracing failure. One such method is asking ourselves: “so what?”

What happens if I fail/fall and look soft?

The reality is never as scary as our imagination suggests, and it’s likely that if we did fail/fall, we will learn from it, become stronger, evolve, grow, and do it better next time around.

Additionally, if we did fail/fall, our loved ones (nor ourselves) are not going to laugh at us for attempting the right thing. Life will go on and we will have other chances.

If we do not make our goal of losing X amount of pounds by Y time, the world will not end and we can continue to make progress, right?

Fear is a False Evidence Appearing Real and when learning to recognize when fear is trying to make us small, we will be able to acknowledge it and respectfully continue working toward our goals.


4. Affirmation and Personal Belief — If you let it, doubt can destroy your intentions. We act in accordance with our own self-image, so is paramount for committed change seekers to believe in their own ability and right to succeed.

It is very common in interviews to hear Olympians and world-class athletes talk about their assurance about their ability to win. When you fail to believe in yourself, you create limits to your success.

You must believe to achieve!

Using positive affirmations is an excellent way to work toward self-confidence, self-belief, and owning your deserving happiness and success.

Try to replace your negative self-talk and criticisms with believable positive statements. You can also try creating a mantra you can say to yourself every morning and evening and in times of doubt. I believe that any successful person, including the elite athletes and performers, must dedicate time and energy to work through limiting beliefs.

If you want to achieve the goal of becoming a much more positive individual, you may need to do the same. In addition to plausible positive affirmations and mantras, a journaling practice, can be very helpful.

5. Cultivate Focus — Committed to chance individuals are highly focused on their goals and do not allow for distractions.

Most things come secondary to their goal, purpose, and intent that they create a lifestyle and support system to further their achievement. They have positive a one-track mind and are focused solely on becoming the best persons they can be.


With endless possibilities and opportunities available to us in this environment and all the daily distractions, it can be easy to lose focus on what matters most to us. Let’s take the time to reflect and clarify what it is we desire, what we will need to succeed, the action steps we will need to take, what we may need from others, and what (or who) we will need to give up in order to succeed.

Clarity creates focus, which breeds success.


6. Look For Support — I find it hard to believe of or encounter a committed changer without the help/support of a mentor/coach. Looking for and finding one is the next step to an elite level of change.

A mentor/coach will provide you with direction, advice, and a clear, intelligently constructed behavior program. Mentors/coaches are able to watch and follow your behavior and provide feedback you are unable to provide for yourself.

When you are feeling unmotivated or down, and most of us tend to at times, a mentor/coach is there to keep you accountable. Here in Edgefield are many programs with facilitators that would be more than happy to supply you with assistance.

I can personally vouch for the staff in the Psychology Department, the chapel, and many facilitators of those programs.


7. Practice What You Preach — It is fairly easy to speak nicely and positive, but success comes from the practice, practice, practice aspect of your words.

Whether you dislike putting your ego in check, seeming soft, or feeling disrespected, you must practice what you preach and put a positive perspective on any and all situations that arise if you truly wish to succeed in becoming an elite changer.

Remember, there is what happens and there is what perspective we put on it. We always have a choice and it is up to us (and not the situations or ego) to make it, feel me?


8. Always Keep Learning — Let today’s mistakes be tomorrow’s progress. Committed changers are always developing and honing their skills. The more they know and understand their mentalities, bodies, and egos, the better positive perspective they can give a situation and be much more likely to succeed.

Therefore, let’s read books of self-help and ways to better ourselves every chance we get. If our financial situation is a little tight, the Psychology Dept. and chapel are full of books and videos that can make our time worthwhile in visiting those departments.


9. Hone Your Nutrition and Activity Game — Committed changers know the necessity of a healthy body for the proper function of the mind, thus, they assure themselves a balanced nutrition filled with lots of the most vital nutrient available, water, and an active lifestyle.

Most importantly, proper nutrition is paramount to the success of a healthy endeavor and to succeed as a committed changer, it should not be overlooked. Combine the aspect of a balanced nutrition coupled with clean water and an active lifestyle, and you’re bound to experience successful results in that respect.


10. Create Goal-Supportive Habits — Habits are said to be the things we do without thought, right?

If it is so, the more we can convert to a healthy nutrition and fitness, the controlling/taming of the ego, the clean/respectful usage of speech and thought, the good intentions, and the demonstration of gratitude for the simplest of things, the less willpower we shall require in the future to stay positive and do right.


For the committed changer, following these aforementioned practices of healthy nutrition, working on skill development, visualization… all become habits over long periods of practice and are then logged into their subconscious, and, consequently, they do not spend time or energy thinking about doing the right thing: It’s a given!

In conclusion, comrades, while not all of us may make it to the elite level of changing (or may even want to), we can still benefit dearly from incorporating the practices of those who have… If only to become beneficiaries of the much-alluded-to and acclaimed Law of Attraction!

Success is a wonderful journey, gentlemen, not a destination or goal!

Thank you dearly for your time and attention, and, as always, God bless!

Ernesto Cole

I Have a Dream – Martin Luther King Jr

Learning diversity and respect for others from Martin Luther King Jr

After reading “I Have A Dream” by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I must admit that he has my true respect and honor to the point where I can truly say that he has been and still is one of my dear heroes.

I say so because as a child born in another country, in a small community, and in a racially mixed family (my mother being of Indian, white, and African descent, married and having children with a white Hispanic with Indian trace as well, then re-marrying and birthing me with a man of African descent), I had no idea what racial discrimination or separation was.

In the early 70s, I was brought by my father to live in Boston, Mass. at the age of approximately eight or nine, and the racism I experienced shocked me tremendously, since I was “forced” to attend all white schools by my father, supposedly for a better education.

During that hectic time for me, a book titled Root by Alex Haley was published and I was also forced by my father to read it.

In hindsight, I thanked my father dearly because through that book I became aware of the injustices committed against Africans and people of color and their descent here in America.

Additionally, that book made me much more aware of my history and what I was considered and viewed as here in this country, and the world as well.

Either way, the reason I consider Dr. King my hero from the first time I heard the “I Have A Dream” speech, is because I already knew of the injustices, trials, tribulations, conspiracies, and even death-threats against him and his entire family.

Yet and despite it all and knowing he was a marked man, he never wavered, faltered, or backed down and relented (which by many would have been the expected thing to do).

Amazingly, he never even resorted to violence in actions nor words, which is so evident in his speeches.

On the contrary, he urged his followers not to condescend to wrongful deeds or drink from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

So yes, even though Dr. King was later assassinated, his words are prophetic:

“I am happy to join with you today in what will go down as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of this nation.”

His legacy is unsurpassed, and his impact in the fight against racial equality unrivaled.


Therefore, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I, posthumously extend to you my total/true admiration, love, and respect.

May God bless you and keep you forever in His glory!

Ernesto Cole

Amateurs and Professionals

Amateurs and professionals - what is the difference?

Not too long ago I read a book that focused greatly on how to find and maintain ways to be happy and content in life, and came across something that echoed loudly within me to the point that I saw it in others as well that I decided to share it with you.

Therefore, if this resonates with you as well, please take heed.

Some of us specialize and devote all our energy to a particular activity, aiming to reach almost professional levels of performance in it. We even tend to look down and criticize anyone who is not as skillful and devoted to our specialty.

While those others prefer to dabble in a variety of activities, taking as much enjoyment as possible from each without necessarily becoming an “expert” in any one of them.

There are two words whose meaning reflect our somewhat warped attitudes towards levels of commitment to physical or mental activities. These are the terms amateur and dilettante. Nowadays, these labels are slightly derogatory. An amateur or dilettante is someone not quite up to par, a person no taken very seriously, one whose performance falls short of professional standards. But, originally, “amateur” from the Latin verb amare, “to love,” referred to a person who loved what he or she was doing.

Similarly, a “dilettante,” from the Latin delectare, “to find delight in,” was someone who enjoyed a given activity. The earliest meanings of these words therefore, drew attention to experiences rather than accomplishments. They described the subjective rewards individuals gained from doing things, instead of focusing on how well they were achieving. Nothing illustrates as clearly our changing attitudes toward the value of experience as the fate of these two words.

There was a time when it was admirable to be an amateur poet or dilettante scientist, because it meant that the quality of life could be improved by engaging in such activities. But increasingly, the emphasis has been to value behavior over subjective states—what is admired is success, achievement, the quality of performance rather than the quality of experience. Consequently, it has become embarrassing to be called a dilettante, even though to be a dilettante is to achieve what counts most—the enjoyment one’s actions provide.

It is true that the sort of dilettantish learning encouraged can be undermined even more readily than professional scholarship, if learners lose sight of the goal that motivates them. Laypersons with an ax to grind sometimes turn to pseudo-science to advance their interests and often their efforts are almost indistinguishable from those of intrinsically motivated amateurs.

An interest in the history of ethnic origins, for instance, can become easily perverted into a search for proof of one’s own superiority over members of other groups. The Nazi movement in Germany turned to anthropology, history, anatomy, language, biology, and philosophy, and concocted from them its theory of Aryan racial supremacy. Professional scholars were also caught up in this dubious enterprise, but it was inspired by amateurs, amid the rules by which it was played belonged to its politics, not science.

Soviet biology was set back a generation when the authorities decided to apply the rules of communist ideology to growing corn, instead of following experimental evidences, Lysenko’s ideas about how grains planted in a cold climate would grow more hardy, and produce even hardier progeny, sounded good to the layperson, especially within the context of Leninist dogma.

Unfortunately, the ways of politics and the ways of corn are not always the same. And Lysenko’s efforts culminated in decades of hunger.

The bad connotations the terms amateur and dilettante have earned for themselves over the years are due largely to the blurring of the distinctions between intrinsic and extrinsic goals. An amateur who pretends to know as much as a professional is probably wrong, and up to some mischief.

The point of becoming an amateur scientist is not to compete with professionals on their own turf, but to use symbolic discipline to extend mental skills, and to create order in consciousness. On that level, amateur scholarship can hold its own, and can be even more effective than its professional counterpart. But the moment that amateurs lose sight of this goal, and use knowledge mainly to bolster their egos or to achieve a material advantage, then they become caricatures for the scholar.

Without training in the discipline of skepticism and reciprocal criticism that underlies the scientific method, laypersons who venture into the fields of knowledge with prejudiced goals can become more ruthless, more egregiously unconcerned with truth, than even the most corrupt scholar.

Therefore, dear friends, let’s return to the origin of doing whatever it is we decided to do simply for the love of it, for the enjoyment we derive from it, and not because we’re seeking praise, fame, or anything material—but because we consider ourselves true amateurs or dilettantes.

Thank you very much for your attention and God bless.

Ernesto Cole

Love Yourself and Love

Love and accept yourself before you can love anyone else.

Do you want to help?

Help yourself first.

Only the loved ones love.

Only the free liberate.

Only the ones that are at peace with themselves are a fountain of peace.

Those who suffer, make others suffer.

Those who are failures need to see others fail.

Those who are hurt show violence.

Those with conflicts create conflicts around them.

Ernesto Cole

Today I Promise

Today what do you decide to do? What kind of friend are you going to be today?

To be strong, that nothing or no one could disturb the peace of my spirit.

To speak of health, progress, and happiness to everyone I meet.

To make my friends feel that there’s something great in them.

To see everything on the noble and beautiful side, making my optimism sincere.

To think of the best and hope only for the best.

To have as much enthusiasm for the success of others as for mine.

To forget the errors of the past and fight for the greater realizations of the future.

To always carry a happy face and have a smile for everyone.

To employ so much time in my improvement that I will not have time to criticize others.

To be big in grief, noble in anger, and strong towards fear, so that my happiness will not be afraid to the presence of pain.

Ernesto Cole

Relationships

The source of prosperity and success in relationships.

Greetings.

After being around for a while in this environment and others, I must admit that after falling victim/culprit to this flaw, I owe you the wisdom and experience learned from it and set the “record” straight, and hopefully you will reflect on it for the better of you and your relationships.

Additionally, having recently read a great book that touched expertly on this topic, I took it as a sign to share it with you.

Every single on of us, without exception, has a relationship with either our parents, progeny, siblings, significant others, coworkers, supervisors, friends, and so forth—right? Yet, not matter how pleasant some are, it can be very tiresome, draining, unfulfilling, or simply very miserable when they break down. And unfortunately, this can occur anywhere and to anyone, are you with me?

Therefore, we must realize, or accept, that we cannot, or should not, change other people. All we can do, or should do, is change ourselves, don’t you think? Secondly, when something someone does seems annoying, the annoyance is not in the thing being done, but in our response to the thing or action. In relationships, the most usual problem is when our egos are “hurt.”

We become annoyed or upset at the “homeboy,” the officer, the co-inmate, or whomever, because their attitude is such that it diminishes the importance our ego has attached to ourselves. We get annoyed at decisions or actions because they do not go exactly the way we, (our ego), would want them to go.

Someone makes impertinent remarks, or even loses his or her temper, and we retaliate—again the retaliation depends on the extent to which the ego feels threatened. The message, then, is that generally annoyance—or the loss of positive demeanor—in any relationship results from a feeling of the ego being threatened where the threat is felt certainly at both the subconscious and conscious level.

Consequently, even when the ego does not feel overtly threatened, human relationships can be improved here and there by deliberately going out of our way to be kind, loving, and helping others, or simply just listening and talking to them in a friendly way no matter how threatening or uncooperative they may appear.

This simply means maintaining a happy and loving disposition within ourselves no matter how others react. This partly comes from self-confidence, but it also comes from feeling relaxed—since relaxation brings with it contentment. Relaxation and annoyance are opposites. You cannot be relaxed and annoyed or angry at the same time.

Hence, the more you practice being relaxed at all times and in all situations, the more content you will be. Sure enough, I could continue this conversation and attempt to bless you with the way I practice to keep myself relaxed at all times, but will conclude with telling you that I am around and at your disposal if you’re interested in this little secret, deal?

Much love and as always, God bless!

Ernesto Cole

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